Archive for June, 2012

Update and a reminder (for myself)

Wow, I haven’t blogged in almost a month. One of the reasons why I decided to set up this blog (I have others), is because I wanted to see if I would have the discipline to keep this up. So far, June was a spectacular fail blog-wise. But promised myself not to get stressed out about  not blogging, so it’s not a big deal for me.

First, an update. June was tumultuous at best.

I thought my grandmother would be passing on, only to have her miraculously recover and thrive. She’s now been discharged from the hospital and is adjusting to her new digs at a local extended care home. The Boy has even visited once and had a grand time pushing his great-grandmother around in her wheelchair. Win.

The Boy is deep into his three-ness. For those of you who never went through this stage, I feel it’s worse than the Terrible Twos. It’s certainly more frustrating. The Boy is becoming really independent and wanting to to EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) on his own, and on his own schedule. For instance, he will brush his teeth his way, and when he’s good and ready to. And everything now takes twice as long to accomplish than even three months ago. This is frustrating when you have a schedule to keep. I liken it to when my own mother nags me to do things a certain way, and I don’t like her interference. It’s the same thing, only it’s more maddening because we’re talking about a 3-year old testing his boundaries big time. The other night, after repeated requests to wash his hands before dinner, he didn’t do it until it ran into his bed time. Well, by then it was too late, and to make a long story short, I put him to bed without dinner. We also suspect since I’ve been at home more often, The Boy has less of a fixed routine. My son does best with structure, and the lack of it sets him off in weird ways. Parenting is really frustrating.

On the job front, I suddenly had a whack-load of interview, all within a two week period, and all of which didn’t pan out. It was stressful for me. Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself. The sending out of resumes and cover letters, the prepping for the interviews and going to interviews itself. All time consuming and energy draining. Right now, I feel stressed, uncertain as to my own abilities, depressed, drained, worried about money, and mad. It’s been almost three months since I was let go. I’m really wishing that I find a job, if only for the sake of my sanity (I am so not cut out to be a stay at home mom/wife), and hopefully, give The Boy some more structure and routine. And don’t forget, amongst all this, I’m taking an online course, which ended up eating up a fair bit of my time.

On top of all this, while I was yet again struggling to get Lucas out the door today for school, my mom comes buy and comments that I look tired and peaked, my face is lacking colour and I should do something about it. I yelled at her, which I felt badly about afterwords. This is my mom’s typical comments to me, and they are hurtful. I heard them constantly. I’m tired, stressed, I haven’t been sleeping properly (Lucas has been waking up once a night for weeks now), and I’m depressed about my job situation. My mom had a really hard time listening and putting herself in other people’s shoes. She is empathetic, but many times it comes out the wrong way.

So I prayed to God about this, because I feel like I was at my wit’s end. Here’s what he had to say to me (Part 1, Part 2). Yes, I need God’s grace, now, and yes, He is molding me and shaping me, and I need to be patient and wait on him.

So this week is The Boy’s last week in his daycare class. We will be going to visit my in-laws the next week, and flying out to visit. The Boy is super excited about flying in an airplane, constantly demands that we go now! This week will be visiting with friends and getting ready for the trip. I’m hoping that I will get to de-stress a bit and come home with a new energy to job hunt.


June 26, 2012 at 8:53 am Leave a comment