Written Prayer

July 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm Leave a comment

At church, they are going through a series of sermons on prayer. This past Sunday, the speaker asked us to spend five minutes to write down our prayer, and to possibly share it with others. While there was no time for sharing, I thought I would write it down here. One of the things that he mentioned is that our prayers sometimes needs to be transparent, so some of the ideas that he had to start prayer off are:

  • I think you are amazing. You…
  • If I’m being perfectly honest…
  • I am really worried about…
  • You have been so faithful…
  • If you really kept your promises you would…
  • I am angry with you…
  • God you’re so good…
  • I with everyone could know what you have done for me.
  • If it were possible, I wish you would…
  • Please! I really need you to help me!
  • I called out to you and you answered me.
  •  I know you care about me…
  • I know you care about me, but…
  • It doesn’t feel like you care about me…

One think he pointed out is that, we are God’s children, and we shouldn’t feel like we’re paying lip service to God. I certainly would rather have my own child be honest with me than tell me what I want to hear. Also, God knows what our thoughts and feelings are even before we do, or even before we tell him. So it is okay to pray in different way. What I’m putting down next is what I had written in those five minutes. It is all my pent up emotions and feelings about my current situation:

Dear God,

The thing that is weighing me down is the fact that I don’t have a job right now, and I feel so uncertain in my life as to what my identity is. I feel useless and stuck in my life. I worry about money and the future. I’m trying to be patient and not be discouraged, but it’s so hard. I’ve felt like I’m starting over again, and that’s so frustrating and discouraging. I really would like to find something before the end of the summer holidays, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. I feel like I’ve failed.

I felt like it was wrong for me to be whining all the time, but this really is a big hurdle in my life right now, and I’m feeling pretty depressed about it. I sometimes feel that I need to vent, and there’s too many people telling me that it’s going to be okay, and that I shouldn’t complain. I mean, my friend just discovered that her mom has breast cancer, and may not have long to live. I’ve been told that I was lucky to be getting interviews so soon, and so many interviews so quickly. I look at my eye doctor, and think about the one child that she had lost while she was still a baby. I look at my friend’s brother who had lost his hands and feet from some mysterious illness, and is slowly recovering and re-learning how to do the simplest tasks. Why should I be complaining when I am actually financially well off, and at least trying my best to look for a job, in a pretty hot job market at that?

I think we are, in a lot of ways, like children: very self-centred and selfish. Not in a mean or cruel way, but we are human, and these are tendencies that we lean towards. While I know that God will take care of me no matter what, I also know that this may be either a test, or a moulding of character. Or both. These things are painful. I also feel that sometimes we need to acknowledge our true feelings, as selfish as they are, so that we can find ways of (hopefully) moving past them.

One thing that really impressed me about the written prayer is that it forced me to really be honest with how I was feeling, and to verbalize that to God. Many times when I’m praying, my words tend to be aimless, my thoughts distracted. This helped me to focus a lot of what I wanted to say to God. I think I’ll try it again sometime, even though my prayers may be negative. God, I think, would still like to hear them nonetheless.

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Entry filed under: Faith. Tags: .

Update and a reminder (for myself) Idolatry

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