Life (right now) is a quagmire – or – it’s all about focus, people!

This past week has been a whirlwind of things.

First off, my 99-year old grandmother is in the hospital. Last week, she had a fall, and while there wasn’t any lasting damage, and will eventually recover from that fall, she isn’t doing well as she has another infection. I went to go see her today, and I nearly cried. My awesome grandmother is so frail, and I’m afraid that she is dying. Even if she manages to get better, she will need to go into extended care. That’s a lot of stress for the family.

The Boy is still doing his three year old antics. The biggest parenting challenge right now is the constant power struggles that we have every single day. It’s hard on me and it’s hard on hubby. There are times when we are at our wit’s end trying to figure out the next step. Parenting is hard.

I had a job interview yesterday. It actually sounds like a good fit for me for the time being, but I do have misgivings about it. However, the one thing that I need to continually reminding myself is to trust in God. He’s been kicking me in the butt with this lesson over and over. I have to really let go of my anxiety around the job hunting thing. I even had two friends tell me in two separate times (and they don’t know each other) that if this was meant to be God’s plan, there will be no barriers, none. I feel like my ego has been stripped and taken for a beating. I feel uncertain about my abilities. I should have to even worry about this, but it’s easier said than done.

I’m learning a lot through my course right now, but I’m quickly realizing that if I had to work full-time and do a course, it would really drain me, and that’s not good for me or my family. I’ll still chug along with the courses, but we’ll see what happens.

Some things that God has been reminding me this past week:

Let God Solve Your Problems – trust that God will solve the problem for me, I just have to let it go to God.

God gives us trials, and for a reason. We must rise to it to show that we are working on our salvation, and not sit and whine about how life is unfair. Jesus must be apparent in all parts of our lives. Spiritual vitality, being able to face any trial in life through God. And the point is that we are to use how God has transformed us for others (also learning about this in the FACTS bible studies)

I need to develop Godly habits, and the first one being that God will provide. Self-pity equals self-interest, which is a sin. I just take and never give. God doesn’t like that. Again, I think of my friend’s comment that I am always negative. I am struggling with this habit, as this is a hard one for me to get right. I need to let go of the self-pity because God has provided so much for me. And I keep throwing it back into his face. Shame on me.

The antidote to failure is perseverance! Focusing on how we failed robs us of our confidence

I can only grow spiritually if I focus on God, and not my circumstances.

Things don’t go as we planned, but put our burdens on God.

So in conclusion:

  • Focus on God and He will let me grow spiritually
  • Stop whining and focusing on my own problems.

May 18, 2012 at 9:36 am Leave a comment

FACTS – Week of May 14, 2012

May – August 2012

Based on the Following Scripture Theme:

“Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection” – Romans 6:4-5

FOCUS – Sparked Faith to Remain

John 14:12 – Jesus had done great things, and we will be doing not only what Jesus has been doing, but even greater things as Jesus is going to Heaven with the Father.

ADORATION – Intentional Praise

John 14:13 – We can do anything in Jesus’s name, so that we can glorify the father through Jesus, by doing what Jesus did, as well as the greater things (vs 12)

CONFESSION – Listen and Agree

John 14:15 – “If you love me, keep my commands” – Short but to the point. This doesn’t need explaining

THANKSGIVING – Faith Exchange

John 14:16-17  – God has given us the Spirit of Truth to live in us to help us do the work he wanted us to do.

SUPPLICATION – Unifed and Empowered

John 14:14 – We can ask for anything in His name, and He will do it. Because we’r asking for things in His name, it needs to be aligned with His plan. (similar to vs 13)

May 18, 2012 at 9:05 am Leave a comment

My Mother’s Day

So my fourth Mother’s Day comes to a close. In the past, I’ve always acknowledged that this was more my mom’s day than my own, mostly because I haven’t been a mother as long as she has, and my mother helps me a lot. I mean, A LOT. I seriously don’t think I would have survived my mat leave if it weren’t for my mom.

Anyways, other than giving me a lovely 4.30 am wake-up call, we had a lovely brunch at the local big-chain hotel, something that they do every year. The Boy was relatively well behaved and he at lots of food. We all did, so much that we didn’t have much for dinner. But that’s okay. The Boy also didn’t give me anything for Mother’s Day, although at school, he painted a plant pot and some rocks (for decoration), and potted a rosemary plant, which grew. He told me all about it, several time. That’s good enough for me.

I actually don’t want more things, really. I’m constantly decluttering my house. Every time I throw something out, I see $$$ flash before my eyes, especially if it’s something that I had hardly used. Even the money thing aside, it’s hard to clean around clutter. I do most of the general housework in the household, and have found that moving a pile of stuff just so I can wipe counters down, only to put the junk back on the counter drive me nuts. I’m also a little (okay, maybe not a little) OCD about clutter, so if you don’t bring things in and keep tossing things out, there will eventually be less clutter to control. It’s all good, right?

Here’s a post about what I really want for Mother’s Day (read the comments too, it’s not just her who is telling you it’s true!) For all of you who are not moms, while the post is funny and told with humour, the author’s points are all ring true for me. None of it is exaggerated. Now you have an inkling as to what it may be like as a mother. And how much I hate useless clutter.

All of you people, hug your mothers. Happy Mother’s Day!

May 13, 2012 at 7:30 pm Leave a comment

Why I Think Am Unemployed…

So here are some thoughts about why maybe God had let me be unemployed at this time.

  1. My 99-year old Grandma (yes, she really is that old) is in the hospital. She’s fine now, but the short version is that she cannot go back to her assisted living place. She needs to go live in an extend care facility. Anyone who had to find an extend care facility on short notice know that this is near impossible. Facilities have long waiting lists, and it can take years before a spot can open up. Good facilities are even harder to find.  My mom is the main person in town who takes care of her. She has family to help, but one isn’t always dependable, and the other two live father away. So the burden for my Grandma’s care fall mostly on my mom’s shoulders. My Grandma only went into the hospital this past week, so things have been a little hectic for my mom. I think if I was still working, it would have been extremely hard for my mom to care for my Grandmother and help watch my son at the same time.
  2. After two months in the toddler bed, my son in the last couple of weeks had figured out that he can walk out of his room at any time he feels like it after he is put to bed. Which is every night. Several times before he goes to bed. This is exhausting for me and my husband to deal with, and really cuts into our non-kid evening time. A bedtime routine that before took about a half and hour, now takes an hour and a half, or longer. Plus, he wakes up at least once every night, and comes running into our room for no real good reason. It’s my job (because I want my husband to be rested for work the next day) to put my son back to bed quickly. Needless to say, I’ve been a little sleep-deprived for the last couple of weeks.  Now trying to take care of a house, work full-time, and take a course, plus all the other craziness that is life, that will just end up driving me bonkers.

My son has also been pushing a lot of buttons recently. He’s become more defiant, and my usual bag of tricks when he was two years old don’t work any more. I feel like I’m at my wit’s end. Today, I actually screamed at him, something that I swore I would never do. Well, parenting makes do you do things that you thought you would never do. It’s crazy like that. My life’s been a little crazy right now, so I guess maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that I’m not working right now, I have enough to deal with.

May 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm Leave a comment

FACTS – Week of May 7, 2012

May – August 2012

Based on the Following Scripture Theme:

“Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection” – Romans 6:4-5

FOCUS – Sparked Faith to Remain

Galatians 2:20 –  I am to focus on the fact that Jesus gave his life for me, and I am to have Jesus live through me. My own self has died. My life is not mine any more. My ego is no longer at the centre. Christ lives in me.

ADORATION – Intentional Praise

Revelation 5:9-13 – Jesus died for us, so he is worthy of everything

CONFESSION – Listen and Agree

Deuteronomy 5:33 – God should be my focus, and I should not be distracted by other things (like a job hunt!). I need to be obedient to what God has commanded us to do.

THANKSGIVING – Faith Exchange

Acts 1:8 – We are thankful that Jesus died for us. Jesus had commanded that we spread the Good News to everyone (obedience)

SUPPLICATION – Unifed and Empowered

1 Corinthians 4:20 – We should not just talk about witnessing to others, but to actually do it. I need to pray that I can get opportunities to witness to others.

May 11, 2012 at 8:01 am Leave a comment


My kid push a lot of my buttons, and has been for the past week. I am so not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I really missed the non-kid time I had when I was working. Really miss it. That is all.

May 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm Leave a comment

Today’s Wins

Today was a good day. Two main things stand out, but it was a lot of smaller moments which made today awesome.

  • After three weeks of separation anxiety-like behaviour, The Boy was able to go to his soccer class without having me in there. Granted, I was sitting behind a glass wall where he could see me and Hubby the whole time, but the main thing was that he went in, sat with the other kids, and did what the instructors told him to do. It took him a few minutes to warm up to the process, but when he started getting involved, he really got into it and had FUN! I saw a huge smile on his face.
  • Got to hang outside with The Boy for a couple of hours. He really needs the outside time.
  • This is a rare treat for me. I got to go out with a bunch of friends for a birthday party. Hubby stayed home to watch The Boy, feed him dinner, bathe him (a feat in itself very challenging with two people), and put him to bed. I got to be single for a few hours and really enjoy myself. I got to eat good food, and hang out with my friends.

May 5, 2012 at 8:40 pm Leave a comment

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